As we were mopping up the last post, we stumbled on these forgotten gems. Rob Liefeld is at it again!
We all know Rob has a hard time with anatomy. Bizarre musculature, tiny feet (or massive boots), almost non-existent noses, the list goes on. When we first saw Rob’s stuff, we were somewhat taken in. It was different. It was more extreme than Jack Kirby or his offspring. But that only lasted an issue or two when we started noticing the annoying lack of talent. Frustratingly, rather than improve his art form over the years, Rob just made it more bombastic.
But why the vicious poking? Because Rob virtually destroyed the mainstream comic book art form at his peak and he hasn’t bothered to invent an appropriate apology. Whether it’s laziness or arrogance, Rob’s approach to comic book creation is irresponsible. And we know something about irresponsibility.
First up: Cable! Notice the head of the original. Rob is notorious for drawing the head up on Cable’s shoulders of about the size of Captain America’s penis. We modified the second picture down to make it as proportional as possible given the absurdity of the rest of Cap’s anatomy and armor. Lastly, we figured we’d go the opposite direction and make Cable a Big Head. Why not?
Let’s see, next up is Doom’s IV. Now, here’s is a bit of a conundrum. We’re not exactly sure if Rob did this one himself since he didn’t put his “signature” signature on it. One of his acolytes like maybe Mark Pacella could have drawn it. Either way, it’s in the vein of Liefeld.
This one has got a lot of fun going on. Here’s a list:
1. The monster/deformed thumbs remind us of Lana Kane and Megan Fox. Maybe it’s built up scar tissue from all that fire shooting shit that comes out of Burn’s hands. Yeah, that’s right. Her name is Burn.
2. Wolverine called and he’s pissed. So is Feral. So is Wildside. So is Troll. So is … there must be more. Rob is such an awesome imitator that he imitates his own imitations … without limitations. That was bad.
3. No feet! What? Does she have them tucked up her ass? Feet are Rob’s Achilles Heel. For as bad as his other anatomy drawing skills are, this is one part of the human body he’s actually embarrassed about. Ergo, that’s why he tries to hide them as much as possible.
4. Boobs the size of hams, a knock-off Power Girl Power Window, and some improbable stretching of the material between the titties. We don’t understand what kind of fabric does that, but in the Rob Liefeld universe, anything goes.
Well, hey. At least Burn’s mouth is closed unlike how it is usually drawn in most of his action frames. And her cute, button nose is slightly bigger than invisible. Good on ya, Robbie.
And finally, Avengelyne. We’ll go into the 1990s Vengeful Scantily-Clad Female Righteous Warrior thing in the next post. This is mostly to show: (a) even though this isn’t Rob’s artwork (it was drawn by another Liefeld acolyte, John Stinsman), it’s a ridiculous Rob Liefeld character, and (b) it’s an example of the type of gimmickry so prevalent in the 1990s. We have to admit the chromium effect was cool … the first couple of times we saw it … but it wore very thin on us after we realized we’d been duped by the jerks that dumped thousands of variant covers on the market to garner multiple sales of essentially the same thing. We don’t begrudge a creator’s (or a publisher’s) desire to boost their sales. We just wish it was with quality. This sort of lazy shit just meant that the angst-ridden collecting-for-collection’s sake fan boy spent all of his extra dollars on exactly the sme comic rather than buying other comics to support titles that probably deserved more airtime.
And here’s your bonus. Is anyone else uncomfortable besides us?