Pope Francis- Jorge Mario Bergoglio takes the throne

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio has been selected as the new popeThe Cardinals smoked out a new pope today to replace the ailing Pope Benedict (Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger). The newly crowned pontiff hails from Argentina, land of beef, tango, and former German officer whisked away by high-ranking Catholic officials (many of whom reported to Ratzinger) in the early days after World War II.

Mr. His Holiness Francis is the first in more than 2000 years (if you believe the chronology) in a lineage of papal prognosticators, to use the name “Francis” and is the first pope from the Americas. He is also the first pope that is a Jesuit. Geez, finally!

Pope Francis looks like Jonathan Pryce
Which one is the Doppelgänger?

Like all popes before him (meaning all, including the celibates (there were about 10 of them), heterosexuals and even homosexuals), Francis opposes gay marriage. We find that ironic coming from a religious system that preaches the principles of “natural law” while adhering to a proclivity for sexual abstinence, which, is … well, what do you know, unnatural. But, hey, what do we know. We’re heathens.  As for the indignant reader who thinks we have unfairly targetted Catholics in this post, settle down. It was just convenient to do so given the news of the day. Stick around long enough and you’ll see we have enough sarcasm to offend everyone.

Pope Francis, Jorge Mario Bergoglio looks like Jonathan Pryce
Rejecting the wild hairs of Hollywood and the English stage, Jonathan Pryce converted to Catholicism and renamed himself Padre Jorge Mario Bergoglio. Over the years, he rose in the ranks of the priesthood and eventually landed the cushy Archbishopric job in Buenos Aires. It a moment of lapsed judgment, he returned to acting briefly to star in the disappointing Tomorrow Never Dies, but redeemed himself, fortunately, a year later by starring in the stellar film, Ronin. Now that he’s the Boss, Jonathan/Jorge plans to absolve Hollywood of its sins and relocate the Vatican to Mallorca. Because, that’s why.
Pope Jorge Mario Bergoglio looks like Uncle Fester
Alright, this is downright mean and we actually do feel bad about it, but … it just HAD to be done, right?
Brian Bolland's The Actress and the Archbishop
Speaking of Archbishops, this guy (and his actress pal) would have been our vote for the new pope-hood. C’mon. It would have mixed things up a bit. Anyway, these are characters created and drawn by one of our favorites, Brian Bolland.

One thought on “Pope Francis- Jorge Mario Bergoglio takes the throne

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s