Vladimir Putin signed an Executive Order a couple of weeks ago to make Gérard Depardieu a citizen of the Russian Federation. The French breathed a sigh of collective relief, until they realized Gérard intended to keep dual citizenship.
At a public gathering to show support for the actor with the ever-increasing girth and Karl Malden nose, Vlady stopped short of pronouncing Depardieu the greatest actor in history and instead settled for “Well, he’s very popular in Russian cinema. As you know, our national symbol is a bear so it makes sense to embrace this large, oafish, hairy man as one of our own.”
Anyway, immediately after the event, Depardieu signed a 3-film deal to star as Oleg in Asteriskin the Vyborgian.
The year is 1700 A.D. Vyborg is entirely occuped by the Swedes. Well, not entirely … one small village of indomitable Vyborgians still holds out against the invaders. And life is not easy for the Swedish soldiers who garrison the fortified camps of Nyenskans, Nyslott, and Köttbullar…