Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy? Nah. Mary Jane! Mary Jane!

Spider-man movie castingA lot of castings for comic book movies leave us perplexed. Of course, a person in graphical print can’t always translate to film for a variety of reasons so some creative liberties must be taken, but it’s some fictional character/real life actor pairing are more obviously wrong than others. Emma Stone is an example. Emma is incredibly screen-friendly and she’ll do a fine job as Gwen Stacy but she would be a much better Mary Jane Watson. Of course, the timing was wrong to use her in that role since the upcoming Spider-man film doesn’t incorporate Mary Jane’s character, so too bad. Hope Hollywood gets it right for Mary Jane the next go around, though. Incidentally, Emma Stone is naturally blond, so she will look like Gwen Stacy, but as yet another example of good vs. great, she looks better as a redhead.

Here are some other for-instances of bad casting (we just love armchair movie critiquing):

Michael KeatonMichael Keaton = Batman: When we first heard the rumors that a blockbuster Batman movie was going to be made, we were thrilled. Most of the comic books cum films had been low budget disappointments to date. Even the big one – Superman – wasn’t something we cared for (of course, we don’t like Superman, anyway). So, to hear that Batman, one of our favorites, was coming to the big screen and the story was serious (well…) and dark for a change, we thought it might pass muster. Then, we heard Michael Keaton was going to star and we thought – perfect – Keaton would make a great Joker. Having recently seen Beetlejuice, we figured him for the madman of Gotham, the Joker. Well, as the movie neared release, we discovered Keaton was in fact playing the Dark Knight and Jack Nicholson whom we had recently seen in Terms of Endearment (what a boring movie) was to play the Joker. What?! So, 5’9″ Mr. Mom was going to be our brooding hero? Nah. Don’t think so. And crazy as Jack might be, Mr. Easy Rider ain’t no Joker – even Caesar Romero was better. We thought the film was alright, but the casting most certainly got in the way.

Jack Nicholson
We thought the Joker was fetchingly slim. What gives?

Val Kilmer/George Clooney = Batman: Mr. Dandy and Mr. Smirk (along with his Bat Codpiece) weren’t the worst things wrong with their respective movies but they certainly didn’t help.

Batman
Val has a pretty mouth. George has a scary codpiece. Batman is going to kick them both in their junk (although he'll have to kick George harder 'cuz he's wearing a titanium codpiece).
DC Vertigo Comics
Casting him for Dracula was even worse.

Keanu Reeves = Constantine: Anything starring Keanu after Bill and Ted would be a miscast. Except The Matrix. On paper it shouldn’t have worked but kudos to the casting club – this one actually did work.

What’s his name = Daredevil: Matt Damon’s friend likes Daredevil, has money, has friends that back him, and has the balls to write himself as the title character of one of our comic book favorites. Ben Affleck was about as believable in his role as his future wife was in hers. We did like Colin Farrel as Bullseye and Michael Clark Duncan as Wilson Fisk aka Kingpin. Neither matched the comic book versions but they did a good job.

Daredevil Comics
You don't do much, Benji, so make it count.

Jessica Alba = Susan Storm: Jessica was cast because she was riding a popularity wave at that point. That’s it.

Fantastic Four
It would be trite to write, "Jessica Alba, why don't you make yourself invisible so we don't have to watch your awkward performance." So we won't write it.

Dolph Lundgren = Punisher: … Where do we begin?

The Punisher character
OK, he looks good enough and the movie doesn't suck as much as we were led to believe. Factoids: in the movie, Frank's a cop (why?), Dolph has a degree in chemical engineering, he has dated Grace Jones, and he still doesn't know why he didn't take a shot to knock out Sylvester Stallone when he had the chance.

Nick Cage = Ghost Rider: See Keanu Reeves.

Nicholas Cage
Nick has as many hair pieces as Raquel Welch has wigs. Just in case you're wondering, that'a lot.

DC ComicsRyan Reynolds = Green Lantern: We like Ryan. He’s got the annoying smart-ass charisma of David Spade but with boyish charm and good looks. However, if snarky is what the film was going for, the producers could have saved a boatload of money and cast Comics A-Go-Go!

Marvel Comics
It's like vomiting into a bowl, shoveling urine-saturated cat litter into it, grinding the mess up to a chunky texture, and injecting it into your eye.

Howard the Duck = Howard the Duck: This vile horror was made by people more shallow than the daiquiri glasses from which they drank at insipid kiss-ass Hollywood parties. These same people had never read a comic book when they were given a story concept and money, and proceeded to create one of the worst abortions in film history. We hope those involved never got work in film again. What? They did? Well now, that explains why films like Elektra, Barb Wire, and Jonah Hex keep getting made. Hollywood has a short memory.

Judge Dredd comics
Citizen, your license to make movies has been terminated. Please go away.

Silvester Stallone = Judge Dredd: This was as terrible an ego trip as Ben Affleck’s Daredevil. How the hell did Stallone get his paws on this one?!

Kirsten Dunst = Mary Jane: Even as a redhead, she doesn’t look anything like her; of course, after Todd McFarlane & David Michelinie trashed her in their surprisingly popular run, who knows any more what’s what.

Spider-man
Kirsten makes a good Mary Jane. Mary Jane Salkowski, that is.

DC ComicsLynda Carter = Wonder Woman: OK, not a movie (although in 1975 a TV movie prequel was released). Lynda was certainly enjoyable to look at back in the day, but she had as much muscle tone as Stephen Hawking (alright settle down; Steven is smarter than all of us (you included) so his handicap is sort of irrelevant). We were worried when we saw her jump over an 18″ bush. Would she make it? What if she fell? Where is that stupid stuntwoman!?

The cast = X-Men: Oh where do we begin? Let’s lump all the movies together and here we go:

  • Anna Paquin = Rogue: This was the worst one.
  • Rebecca Romjin = Mystique: we don’t recall the comic book version looking anything like this in any incarnation. Ah well, she was nice to look at.
  • Alan Cumming = Nightcrawler and Famke Jannsen: we can’t figure out if we like or dislike these casts. Maybe OK? But still…? Well, we’ll put them here just in case.
  • Ellen Page = Kitty Pryde: We like Ellen Page for the reasons we don’t like Kitty Pryde. Ellen almost made us forget the comic book character.
  • James McAvoy = Professor X: Can anyone help us out on this one? Is there an alternate universe we don’t know about?
  • Kevin Bacon = Sebastian Shaw: It strikes us that Kevin Bacon should never be in a superhero movie. He needs to create six degrees of separation from them. Oh, that was really bad. But we’ll own it.
  • Jennifer Lawrence = Mystique: Unlike Romjin, Lawrence is not just pretty – she has screen charisma. Still not Mystique.
  • The Beast = The Beast: Forget Nicholas Hoult; what – Beast is now a cat?
X-Men
Octavia Spencer would have made more sense. At least she's from the South.
X-Men
They don't resemble each other in any way, for crying out loud! We won't complain too much though.
X-Men
We don't get it. Does someone have a drawing of what Professor X was supposed to look like when he was young? Even with the crappy baldification we did, McAvoy doesn't look anything like Mr. Professor Dr. X. Oh, wait. OK, he does a little.

Did we miss any? Sure we did. Comment on them or tell us why you agree/disagree with our post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s